27
Jan
i woke up with joseph arthur’s in the sun stuck in my head
it was in my dream…. i was looking out the window of my first room of the house that i spent most of my years in portland living in. it was snowing and cold and i just saw a bunch of trees missing all their leaves. i wonder if that actually was the view from that room or if it was just in my dream. it was a beautiful back yard, could have been. anyway, the song’s tied to insanely sad thoughts, i think that’s why it was in my dream. i would never want to hurt audrey. i woke up thinking of her, of course. being drunk and stupid is fun, but that’s all it is. i guess i feel fine about how ridiculous i was last night, but i the thought of it escalating or doing it later down the road… i don’t think i’d ever do it. or at least i don’t want to. (though i don’t think anyone really ever WANTS to hurt anyone..) i really just want to avoid as much pain in this relationship as possible. i hate relationships because of all the feelings they provoke, god damnit. blahhhhh okay i am going to put on happy music and pack for LA as i’m leaving in about an hour. woo hoo!
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